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What the...? Weird games in Akihabara, Tokyo
Akihabara is often described as the geek centre of the universe. It's a place where Japanese nerds (known as "otaku") visit to buy all manner of nerdy goods, such as manga, anime, video games, computers, electronics, action figures, collectables, hentai and pornography. Basically, it's the free trade zone of geek-dom. Anything and everything here is for sale: from cute, cheap Pokémon key-rings, to some of the most disgusting, unmentionable adult material you will ever come across in the world.
I'm on an extended holiday in Japan at the moment, and I recently visited Akihabara for one simple purpose: to buy retro video games. No sicko hentai. No ultra-expensive Neon Genesis Action figures. Just video games. And I bought stacks.
But along the way, I found all manner of strange gaming artefacts... some of which I never knew even existed. So I thought I would share with you some of the weirdest retro gaming goodies you can purchase in Akihabara, Tokyo.1. Nintendo R.O.B.
The Nintendo R.O.B. was a robotic accessory for the Nintendo Entertainment System, released in 1985. It was only compatible with two games, and like many Nintendo accessories (i.e. the Power Glove) it was basically a waste of money that didn't work properly. But still... it's a robot! From 1985! And at least on the commercials, R.O.B. looked way cool.
I found the above boxed R.O.B. in an Akihabara game store for 4000 yen (US$50).2. Brand New Famicom Games
The Nintendo Famicom was released in Japan back in 1983, and it remained the dominant force in video games until the release of the Super Famicom in 1990. That was over two decades ago. But there are still some retro game shops in Akihabara selling new, unopened Famicom games. Yes, brand-spanking new. Like the pictured copy of Gradius, released in 1986. Price: 6000 yen (US$75).3. Dodgy Games
As already mentioned, Akihabara is full of porno. Full of it. There are adult shops here that are literally eight stories high, catering to all manner of perverted fantasies. Many of the goods on sale here would probably be illegal in every other country in the world (and with good reason, too).
Akihabara game stores are not spared this otaku obsession with girl panties (and a whole lot more), and while searching for retro titles, you will invariably stumble across a whole sleuth of adult games that never saw the light of day outside Japan. Indeed, some stores have entire floors dedicated to this stuff:
All of the games look like pretty terrible playing experiences to me. And I don't really understand the need for them. But I thought it was an interesting point of difference between Akihabara game stores and say... your local Wall Mart. Plus some of them are cheaper than a condom (and, I assume, about 0.001% as fun). Indeed, the game pictured above is a staggering 91% off. It must have been a real commercial success in its day, huh?
There's more Akihabara weirdness to come! Click below for the next page...
Next Page ==>
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Best Left 4 Dead 2 Custom Campaigns
Left 4 Dead 2 has to be my favourite zombie game out there. Chainsaws, katanas, witches, decapitations... what is there not to love? Sure the game is repetitive, and you may start questioning your moral and ethical make-up after slaughtering your 10,000th zombie. But, on the other hand, you do get to hit zombies with a frying pan. And that never gets old.
I recently rebooted L4D2 to give some user-created campaigns a try. And I found some good ones. But if you want to know what my Top 5 L4D2 Custom Campaigns were... you'll have to read my article for Games On Net over here.
Posted - 09/05/2011
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Retro Review: Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past is often cited as one of the greatest video games ever created for any gaming system... ever. That's quite a reputation. But the SNES version of Nintendo's classic adventure franchise was released way back in 1991... when, might I remind you, happy pants were popular. And happy pants certainly aren't popular now. So does The Legend of Zelda stand the test of time?
Of course it does, stupid! It's one of the greatest video games ever created for any gaming system... ever! And if you want to know why, you should read my latest Retro Roadtest for Games On Net.
Check it out here.
Posted - Sunday, 01/05/2010
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Mod Review: Underhell
Valve's Source engine has to be one of the most versatile, impressive and user-friendly gaming engines ever created. Indeed, some of the best FPS games of the last decade owe their very existence to this engine - Half Life 2, Counterstrike, Left 4 Dead, Portal, just to name a few.
And while Source is now seven years old (which is the gaming equivalent of being an incontinent old man) - modders are still pushing Source in new and innovative directions.
Underhell is one such mod. I recently got the chance to review this strange horror/action game for Games on Net... and you should read it.
Click here to read the review.
Posted - 15/04/2011
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Dino D-Day Review
So I recently got my hands on a new game which features Nazi dinosaurs. Yes, you heard correctly: Nazi dinosaurs. And these prehistoric creatures aren't just hungry... they're pure Aryan evil too.
But just because a game features playable Nazi dinosaurs... does that automatically make it an awesome game? Well, one would assume so. But to find out you will have to read my latest review for Games On Net.
Click here to read it.
Posted - 12/04/2011
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Retro Review: Metal Gear Solid
After an extended hiatus, I have started writing again for Games On Net. Just like before, most of my articles will be "retro reviews" - where I discuss whether the classics of old are still worth your time and money in 2011.
First up is the Playstation classic Metal Gear Solid. Is it still fun to sneak around an Alaksan arms facility, hide behind cardboard boxes, and occasionally choke the life out of Genome Soldiers?
Click here to find out.
Posted - 22/03/2011.
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Retro Review: Theme Hospital
Bullfrog's Theme Hospital was a game that really shouldn't have worked. I mean really, building operating theatres? Hiring doctors? Cleaning up vomit? That doesn't sound like fun at all. In fact, it sounds suspiciously like a job... at a hospital.But fun it was. And if you read my latest retro review at Games On Net, you'll discover that administering a hospital is still fun, even today. No really, it is.
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Retro Review: Rise of the Triad
In 1995, Apogee Software's Rise of the Triad exploded onto the PC gaming community... in much the same way that a human head explodes when squished in a vice. The game was seriously bloody, and featured more "ludicirious gibs" than a butcher's shop.
I recently re-booted the original Rise of the Triad for Games On Net to see if this gaming gorefest is still worthy of attention in 2010. Read the blood-soaked review here.
--> posted 04/02/2010
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KillScreen Poetry is alive!! (...just)
Readers, I apologise. The love and care I once harboured for this blog has clearly dissipated of late. No updates for months; gaps in the layout not fixed; the supposedly "regular" KillScreen Vault videos only lasted one measly screening. For shame. This website was supposed to be my prized virtual trophy... but recently it has become neglected and abused, much like the women involved in Tiger Woods' sex escapades... but even worse.
The reason for this? I'm afraid I've been writing for another website. I know, I know - it's journalistic adultery. But this other website is so much sexier and -- unlike this cheap blog -- it's actually professional. It's called Games On Net. And I think you should check it out.
But I still have a soft-spot for KillScreen Poetry. So I've decided to cast a Phoenix Down and resurrect this haggard old beast from the depths of the Web 2.0 graveyard. From now on, I'll be posting links to my musings on Games On Net... not really a legitimate "post" i know, but it's better than nothing.
However, before these new posts begin, let's get up-to-date. Most of my articles for Games On Net have been "retro reviews" of PC Games. You know the deal: a mixture of reminiscing about the greatness of old games, and then harshly paying the crap out of these games for being... well, old.
So far I've covered the following games (click on links to read):
- Fallout
- Aliens vs Predator
- Leisure Suit Larry
- Death Rally
- Simon The Sorcerer
- Duke Nukem 3D
- Grand Theft Auto
- Police Quest
I've also written a very Killenscreen-esq yarn about The Most Awkward Romantic Moments in Video Games, a review of Left 4 Dead 2, and an article about the best downloadable levels for the original Left 4 Dead. See, I have been busy.
So if you've stumbled upon this blog after Googling "kill poetry" or something equally disturbing... and you feel jipped that there's nothing of recent value on this site, then click through to those links.
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Top 5 Strangest Japanese Nintendo DS Commercials
Last month, KillScreen Poetry looked at the weirdest Japanese TV commercials for the Nintendo Wii. This time, I thought I would turn my attention to the Wii's portable sibling: the Nintendo DS.
As most gamers are aware, there are quite a few bizarre Japanese DS games out there. The stylus control of the DS just seems to encourage developers to come up with ridiculous and often stupid ideas.
But I guess these weird games need advertising just like any other game. And what's the best way to promote a strange game? You make a strange commercial, of course.
What follows are the top five strangest DS ads to appear on Japanese TV. Enjoy...
#5: Minna no Doubutsuen
The game: A zoo simulator.
The ad: Features a scary man dressed as a penguin, then as a panda, and finally as a bear... doing inappropriate things in front of kids.
#4: Mario Kart DS
The game: It's Mario Kart, of course!
The ad: Ever wondered what Mario would look like if he was French?
#3: Dragon Tamer Sound Spirits
The game: A fantasy RPG game.
The ad: Features a guy who will never win American Idol.
#2: Egg Monster Hero
The game: A real-time strategy game.
The ad: Shows a lot of kids... er... "scratching" themselves.
#1: Dragon Quest IX
The game: One of the best selling DS games of all time. Dragon Quest is a famous RPG franchise in Japan.
The ad: Features the popular Japanese boyband "SMAP"... and makes no sense whatsoever.
Posted by ShaolinCowboy 09/0/09
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KillScreen Vault #1: Freeway
Welcome to a new regular feature here at KillScreen Poetry... the KillScreen Vault! Each month we'll be dusting off a forgotten game from yesteryear, and making a video about it.
This month, we look at Activision's Freeway for the Atari 2600.
When this game was released back in 1981, many accused Activision of simply developing a rip-off of Sega's Frogger.
The question is: is Freeway the most blatant case of gamin plagiarism in history? Click below to find out...KillScreen Vault Episode #1: Freeway
Posted by ShaolinCowboy 08/19/09
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Spare change? Buy Half-Life for $3.39!
Now this is a retro gaming sale. Valve has discounted all of its Half-Life games on Steam by a whopping 66%. This means you can buy two of the greatest games ever made, Half-Life (1998) and Half-Life 2 (2004) for about the price of a McDonald's Meal.
The original Half-Life is going for the bargain-basement price of $3.39, while the sequel will set you back $6.79.
But if that's still stretching your wallet too far, you can go the ultra-cheap option: Half-Life 2 Deathmatch is only $1.69.
I'm surprised Visa/Mastercard even allow just stupidly small transactions.
For the full list of cheap games, go here. The sale is for this weekend only.
Posted by ShaolinCowboy on 15/08/09
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